When TJ + I were cleaning out the garage a few weekends ago, we stumbled across a large bag of papers (one of several…). Most of the bags we placed in a “shredder” pile, but this particular bag was filled with envelopes… so we took an even closer look. Inside were dozens (upon dozens) of handwritten letters TJ had written me when we first started dating 14 years ago (ages 21 + 23 respectively). As we opened them up and started to read them over, we found ourselves crying from laughter (sometimes even cringing) at the sheer sappiness. It wasn’t that we didn’t appreciate the sentiments, it was more a testament to how far our relationship has come over those 14 years….. growth, maturity, and a healthy perspective of one another (no longer infatuation…) worked to create a more mature love than those early days….

After we had gotten through most of the letters, we couldn’t help but reflect on how much we love what we have now more than the “infatuation” phase from 14 years ago. It’s hard to believe that those 21 + 23 year olds from back then are now responsible enough to be parents, and welcoming another in a few shorts weeks. Over the years my anniversary posts have focused on so many different topics…. chatting about Love Languages, effective ways we (try to) communicate with one another, how to work through difficult times, etc…. and when I thought about what I wanted to share today, I kept coming back to the thought of the two little girls we will soon have. What I want them to know about love and what I want them to see from a marriage…. and I know that so much of their understanding of romantic love + relationships will come from what they see in their own home environment. How TJ + I interact with one another + treat one another will be watched closely with tiny little eyes. So today I thought I’d share a few things that we hope to model for them over the years to help them have a healthy perspective on love… and hopefully be able to choose healthy + loving relationships themselves…

RESPECT

This one goes beyond treating one another kindly. We want them to see how to respectfully handle disagreements…. how to see another’s perspective, hear the perspective, internalize it, and then acknowledge it, even if it isn’t your perspective. I think showing children how to resolve differences in a healthy + respectful manner teaches tolerance… and that goes a long way in life and in love. This also means demonstrating the ability to apologize to one another.

INVESTING IN EACH OTHER

Loving one another through our respective love languages and blocking out quality time to spend just as a couple, doing things that reconnect us to our marital dyad, are ways that we hope to model to our girls that love takes commitment and investment…. that you have to put in the time to grow + nurture a healthy relationship. It’s not a “one + done” perspective, but rather an investment you continually make over time. 

AFFECTION

We also want them to see that love involves healthy affection…. words of affirmation + kind physical touch… holding hands, a random hug + kiss here and there, “I Love You” before we leave in the morning…. all such simple ways to demonstrate healthy affection.

PLAYFULNESS

And because love should also be fun, I want them to see TJ + I laugh together…. and enjoy “playing” as a family. TJ is by far the more “playful” one in the relationship (hence the jumping photo at the end) so I am grateful that he will bring out that aspect of the relationship.

And while the exact ways we will model each of the aforementioned aspects will change over the years, having them in the forefront of our minds helps to remind us that we are their first examples of love….
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(Outfit Details || My Dress | Slip | TJ’s Shirt | TJ’s Jeans)