2020 was not a year that I would say I was particularly present. There were so many uncertainties in the year that I spent much of it either thinking about the past (how enjoyable it was to be able to do things whenever…) and the future (lots of “what if-ing” and wondering what it would look like…)… and somewhere between the thinking about the past and the future I lived in the present not so presently.

All of that to say, since the beginning of the year I’ve been trying to be more intentional about being present. When I was working with my clients I used to work on this with them all the time… more specifically, mindfulness. I wrote this about mindfulness in a blog post several years ago:

“The concept of mindfulness entails the ability to be aware of your moment-to-moment experiences. It asks that an individual suspend judgment of themselves and their past. You can utilize mindfulness while eating, exercising, and engaging in other mediation forms (i.e. yoga, muscle relaxation, etc). When you are present in the current moment, you are able to focus on what is going on around you, both internally and externally. It helps one to become more aware of their current experiences, and can often minimize knee jerk reactions to certain emotionally charged situations.  You can easily incorporate mindfulness into your daily practice. When you encounter a situation that often brings about strong emotions (i.e. anger, sadness, frustration) first STOP and become aware of the feeling you are having. Then practice the DEEP BREATHING skills mentioned earlier to allow for a calmer disposition. Next, reflect on the situation. Ask yourself what you can do to best manage the situation at hand. Is this an opportunity to choose a new, more functional pattern of behavior? Then CHOOSE your response and be aware of the reaction you are choosing” 

And boy did I need that reminder heading into the new year. So I thought today I’d share a few of the ways I have been intentionally practicing mindfulness, and in turn being present, over the past 8 weeks.

1. Limit Screen Time: This was a big one for me. When I starting assessing areas in my life that I needed to place boundaries around in order to be more present, time on my phone was on top of that list. To do this, I often leave my phone in another room when I’m playing with the girls, have a day of the weekend where I don’t open any social media apps, and during the week I don’t open a social media app until 1pm and then after 8pm I am off for the night. These few simple limits have made such a huge impact in my ability to be more present in my life…

2. Grounding Practice: Something I’ve wanted to become better about is savoring the present moment. Since we’re obviously not promised tomorrow (or even the next hour), making the most of the one I’m in is so important. Whenever I find that my attention is drifting to the past or future I practice the following exercise to pull me back.

I simply ask myself:

What are 5 things you can see ?
What are 4 things you can touch?
What are 3 things you can hear?
What are 2 things you can smell?
What is 1 thing you can taste?

I’d say about 90% of the time I can feel myself becoming more present, less centered on situations out of my control (a huge root of anxiety), and able to then follow this up with relaxation breathing to round it out.

3. No Electronics: Seems similar to screen time, but for me it’s different. I see things like the TV, computer, and iPad as simple distractions from those I am with. During dinner, all electronics are off (except for our Echo Show playing music) so that we can all focus on one another… Friday + Saturday evenings, no TV at night so TJ and I can reconnect and chat. I’ve found electronics provide such an easy way to “numb out” but typically at the cost of connecting with someone else.
*note, I am not saying electronics are bad. TJ + I watch TV Sunday-Thursday… I just prefer to not have any of it around when I’m trying to connect with others (friends, family, etc….).

4. Practice Gratitude: Over the past several weeks I have heard about some very tragic situations happening to those one to two degrees separated from me. And while I am not directly impacted by these situations, it truly has made me grateful for what I have. All of that to say the more I actively practice gratitude, the less reactive I am to misfortune in my own life. That doesn’t mean I don’t acknowledge difficult times and work through those emotions, it just helps to provide me with perspective. And research has found that:

“Gratitude allows us to notice the many blessings we have and distracts us from the many misfortunes that we face. Mindfulness helps us react to our misfortunes with grace, acceptance, and meditation. Together these two practices nurture the happier self within us.” source (great article on the interplay between the two)
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I’d love to know the ways you help yourself stay present!