The above photo was from a particularly challenging morning I had last week. While the girls are typically great at getting ready in the morning, this particular day, whether it was the unexpected rainy weather, or the fact that TJ was out of town (both events threw our routine off a bit), or that I was feeling particularly frazzled… whatever it was, the morning just started like a tornado. It culminated with some natural toddler rigidity and need for independence, and then one big toddler meltdown.

Needless to say, by the time both girls were safely dropped off at school, I literally sat outside the coffee shop (rain had ceased at this point) and just relished in the stillness… which is what the above photo is from.

And in that period of stillness and reflection, I had to think about some of the ways I got the morning wrong, and to give myself a little boost, some of the ways I got it right. And in that reflection I reminded myself that I should have used the toolbox I have to be more flexible with Camille, but was also able to manage to maintain my cool by using my toolbox of “in the moment” stress reducing techniques that I used to work on with clients (and, really, these were mainly for their parents… I used a much more simplified approach with kiddos)… and when I am able to stay calm it prevents the situation from getting even worse.

So today I’m sharing the little tricks here in case anyone else finds themselves needing to calm their nervous system, or just decrease high levels of stress, throughout the day… these can be used with kiddos, your significant other, work, and everything in between. I hope it’s helpful.

DEEP BREATHING: I know, I know, it seems like such a cliché opener, but it really does help, since slower, intentional breaths help to let the brain know that it’s not in danger. You can use what is called the box method as a framework for this breathing: You can inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, breathe out for 4 counts, and hold for 4 counts.

30-90 SECOND RULE: For me, and research proves this, we tend to act impulsively the first 30-90 seconds after we experience an event that brings about stress or anxiety- this is when we act in ways that we might regret later (the apology that comes later, “I’m sorry I said what I said, I didn’t mean it…). Instead, I like to remind myself that I don’t have to respond right away (obviously not if someone is in immediate danger), instead, in the 30-90 seconds after, using the breathing technique above, then walking away from the situation (if it’s on your phone, like so many things are these days, putting your phone down and walking away from it) to provide yourself with some mental space- then you can yell into a pillow (if appropriate) or yell in your mind (I did this that day I referenced above)… then engage in something physical- like stretching (touch your toes, etc…), or maybe jumping up and down for 30 seconds, to release the energy in an appropriate way. 

VISUALIZE YOUR EMOTIONS: I like to look at visualizing your emotions as a way to externalize them from yourself. If I’m feeling anger, visualizing myself putting it in front of me- symbolizing that I am not my emotion and don’t have to act upon it.. and then I have more control over it… I can then visualize the anger being a balloon and popping it. 

POSITIVE IMAGERY: I like to get very specific and imagine myself on a beach in Hawaii, sipping a Mai Tai, listening to the waves crash, and the birds chirp…. Sand between my toes, etc… whatever your happy place is, visualize it…. and see how it makes you feel 🙂