Something I want Harper to be very aware of, and in tune to, are her feelings (so much so I bought her this little book that we look through…)…. and I’m always trying to give her the words to express them. I guess it’s because I see so much value in being able to identify and manage feelings on a regular basis. When I worked with families, so many problems arose from the inability to express and communicate them appropriately…. mainly the more challenging ones… like anger, sadness, and worry. And to be honest, sadness and anxiety really aren’t that pleasant… and when they come to visit, I’d prefer them to just leave. Yet, it’s not always that easy. So, today, I put together the six ways I deal with challenging + negative emotions in the hopes that maybe it helps someone, somewhere…..
1. Acknowledge + Accept: I think it’s easy to brush feelings aside. Yet they’re real, they exist, and often times they are telling us something. I generally don’t have a problem allowing myself to experience my feelings…. I am a relatively emotional person. I don’t mean that in a bad way, I just show my feelings… happy, excited, sad, upset… you know it. So, when I’m feeling a little down, I always identify the feeling I’m experiencing, try to figure out where it’s coming from (an interaction I had, a frustration with a situation, a personal thought that I had, etc….), and accept that’s how I am reacting to it. Once I do that, I’m usually able to figure out how I want to deal with those feelings…
2. “This Too Shall Pass:” While I always try to acknowledge and accept whatever feelings I am having, I also tell myself that they will typically pass. They’re not permanent. This allows me to gain perspective on the situation, and to not become overwhelmed by a negative feeling.
3. Practice Gratitude: Sometimes I’ve found that the easiest way to move out of a rut, or low point, is to recognize all the small things I have to be grateful for. I shared a little about this in a recent “Weekend Recap” post, but I’ve started to write down five things I am grateful for on a daily basis. I use this little journal. The act of writing it down, and being able to look through the pages, is a great reminder to me that even in the “worst” of times, there are bright spots…..
4. Be Social: When I’m in a rut, my natural tendency is to isolate. Yet, that typically only makes things worse, and I tend to ruminate. So, I’ve found that getting out, making plans, and literally scheduling in fun gets the spirits lifted. When I worked with clients who were depressed, we would literally put together a schedule, and slot in “fun/social” time, since it helps so much. I think about all the times I’ve felt down, and how a simple 10-15 minute call with my girlfriend could lift my spirits (having a few good friends that you can count on for this is always helpful).
5. Be Present: This helps so much… and it’s something I am constantly working to do better. Being present means I can fully experience the feelings in the moment… which are typically pretty great. Yet, I can literally feel anxiety (stress) + sadness creep in when I start thinking about future situations or past situations that I cannot control, or change. It’s exactly like the quote by Lao Tzu goes:
“If you’re depressed, you’re living in the past
If you’re anxious, you’re living in the future
If you’re at peace, you’re living in the present.”
Something I do that helps me remain in the present is being cognizant of my thoughts. If I find myself drifting from what’s in front of me (i.e. chatting with a friend, playing with Harper, watching a movie with TJ, etc… and thoughts of the future begin to creep in….) I simply acknowledge those thoughts I am having and bring myself back into the current situation. It’s not something I am perfect at by any means, but when I am able to it makes a big difference.
6. Control vs. Out Of Control: I also find that recognizing what I can control, and what I can’t control, to be very helpful. Once I identify what I can + can’t control I am better able to direct my efforts. Sometimes a rut comes from feeling out of control in a certain part of life… so finding a small part of it that you can control helps. Example…. I used to hear a lot of clients talk about how interactions with certain people make them sad or upset, consistently. While we can’t control how people make us feel, we do have control over who we allow into our lives. Or, feeling upset about a work situation…. you can’t control how your boos or a co-worker acts, but maybe you can control the way you address the situation, how you move forward, or trying something a little different.
And while I don’t always use all six of the above tactics, I usually find that using a few here and there helps me get back on track!
**A small note, this is not meant as a treatment for major depressive disorder or grief. These are merely tactics that I have found helpful over the years. I always recommend contacting your healthcare provider for additional assistance.
(Outfit Details || My Top | Shorts | Sunglasses | Harper’s Top | Harper’s Shorts | Harper’s Sandals)
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