After I became a licensed marriage and family therapist, I began working towards a certification in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. The theory behind this approach is that by building a strong emotional connection with the child, they feel secure in their relationship with parents and themselves, which results in a decrease of acting out behaviors (I am simplifying it here, a lot, but that’s the gist). The actual therapeutic process is quite amazing, but one thing I took away from the training was that while the parent-child relationship is crucial, it doesn’t take a whole lot to establish a strong relationship. The parents were asked to complete a 5-10 minute concentrated play session with their child each day (and directed to use certain engagement techniques)… I assumed it would have been 30min-1 hour….
As busy parents I think it’s so easy to feel guilty, bad, or as if we’re not doing enough with our children. And while there are times when providing much more than 5-10 minutes is feasible, 5-10 minutes each day seems much more manageable than setting aside hours. And sometimes it doesn’t even have to involve play, but can be moments, or rituals so to speak, that we engage in to make a conscious effort to reconnect…
The other day we were all feeling a little restless, so we packed up the car and headed down to our favorite hiking trail along the beach for a sunset walk. It was such an easy way to reconnect, and literally just required a quick drive and some walking shoes. Other days, we reconnect with a dinner, and sometimes it’s a little more elaborate. I shared the 5 easy ways we reconnect after a busy day below, as well as some responses I gathered over on instagram as well… just in case you’re looking for a way to mix things up a bit (and feel free to share your ways in the comments as well :)).
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1. Family Dinner: So I know that our kiddos are younger, and we don’t have schedules that are competing with this time of day like most families, but for us, we are usually able to have dinner as a family nightly. Phones are put away, we let the girls pick the background music (usually Disney Junior playing), and we ask open ended questions such as, “What was the best part of your day?” and “What was something hard or challenging?” and then conversation typically leads from there. It’s a good 20ish minutes of time spent together to catch up after a busy day.
2. Evening Routine: Assuming both TJ and I are home in the evenings (which is 95% of the time) we each sing the girls a song and put them to bed. It’s not long, but it’s a quick, and easy, way to close out the day together… and Harper usually shares a few small nuggets about her day and/or the next day, which provides us with an opportunity to organically chat about feelings, thoughts, etc…
3. Get Outside: Obviously this is only applicable when weather permits (which is more often than not in So. Cal) but getting outside and doing something together is always an easy was to connect. Like I mentioned above, on Monday night we headed down to the beach for a family walk at one of our favorite hiking trails… and it was such a fun way to get outside together. Conversation naturally flows from the sights and sounds, to the “running” games the girls want to play. Other activities we’ve done include a family bike ride, the girls scooter and TJ and I walk, or just playing in the backyard.
4. Family Fun Night: These aren’t nightly, obviously, but we try to do a bigger, fun, family activity together once a week… or every other week. This can include a movie night together where the girls pick out the movie, I put together a fun and simple dessert board… or if your kiddos are a little older, a family game night is great too.
5. Getting Ready In The Morning: Harper asks me to do her hair every morning, and every morning without fail, while I’m brushing it out and styling it however she’s requested, she starts talking about what she’s excited for in the upcoming day. It’s such an easy 5 minute opportunity for me to validate her feelings, share in her excitement, and to get a pulse on how she’s feeling for the day ahead.
and sharing a few more ideas from instagram….
IDEAS FROM INSTAGRAM (summarized)
– Cook dinner and have a dance party in the kitchen
– Ask about “highs and lows” or “what worked for me today” at dinner
– Puzzles Together
– Read Books
– At the end of the week our older kids stay up and have special time with us
– Prayers together and game night on the weekends
– We do beginning and end Monday ice cream party and Friday movie night with the kids
– Church
– Every night after dinner we play a game
– One “fun” weekend outing together
– Saturday morning walk for treats
– Family walk to the park to play + watch the sunset (drinks in hand for mom and dad!)
– At bedtime we all read books and then snuggle as a family
With that, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend ahead!
(Outfit Details || Leggings, Sweatshirt, Fleece Vest, Sneakers, TJ’s Sweatshirt, TJ’s Sneakers, Harper’s Fleece, Camille’s Fleece, Harper’s Shoes (also here))
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