Over the years I’ve written quite a few posts on the importance of self care. And much of my work with children involved working with their mothers on the very topic. As I reflect back on that work, one particular family readily comes to mind. It was a family from a very low SES, with a daughter who had a rare genetic disease that had her visiting doctors, both planned + unplanned, quite frequently. There would be days when I would show up at their home, uncertain as to whether or not they would be there, mainly because of the unpredictability of the daughter’s condition. One day everything could be going well, and the next minute everything could change. There were a lot of dynamics at play in the home, and as I spent more time getting to know the family (all of my work with them was done in their home, so I really saw a lot of natural dynamics play out) more became clear. And while I won’t get into specifics, a lot of my work shifted from solely seeing the daughter, to really chatting with mom about her ability to take care of herself.

Thinking back to that work, pre-motherhood for myself, I realize that my conversation with her regarding self care would look a lot different now than it did back then. Mainly because self care looks different for me today than it did several months ago. Sure, the occasional manicure (got one of those last week and I was surprised at how good I felt after), bubble bath (always on my list), and girl’s night out are important components to self care, but those aren’t things that can happen daily… and for some, can’t happen at all (for various reasons)….

For me, self care has more to do with being self aware. We aren’t static beings. What helped to fill our bucket one day might not the next. I think we wake up with different needs daily and our needs change throughout the day. Having momentary check-ins with myself, throughout the day, helps me to more effectively take care of myself as opposed to applying a “blanket” self care list, that I likely created months ago….

I realize now that the act of self care begins from the moment I wake up and continues until the end of the day…. looking something like this….

When I wake up…
How do I feel? Do I need a lighter workout (a walk) or a more rigorous workout (a run….)…. 
Where is my mind? What type of devotional do I need to get me through the morning?
As I move through the day….
Do I need to ask for help somewhere? 
Do I need a quick 10 minute break to regroup? (and yes, we can take this as moms…)
At night… 
Based on the day I had, what do I need? 
A few pages in my book (I likely started a month ago…), something funny on television (The Office is always a sure bet when this is the need), a few minutes to regroup with TJ to hash out the day? A bubble bath (snuck that one in there)?? Maybe a quick phone call with a girlfriend? 

Over the past several months I have found this to be a much more effective way of “taking care of myself” than assuming a simple list, with nice + relaxing activities, will help me feel taken care of. And it’s likely the way I would have approached the concept of self care with that mother.

I share all of this because I firmly believe that if we don’t take care of ourselves as women, and are always outputting without filling back up, then we can’t be the moms, wives, friends, etc, that we truly want to be (and are trying to be by giving so much). The airplane analogy is cliché but so true…. you have to put on your own oxygen mask first so you can help the younger ones… and this is exactly how I view self care. I take care of myself so I can fully love + take care of those that are important to me.

Because in the end…..

“I am the only one who can give my children a happy mother who loves life…”