01.27.2017

Relationship Talk // It’s All In The Small Moments


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 My understanding of a meaningful relationship has changed, and thankfully, matured, over the years. I read an article, not too long ago, that suggested we all have three loves of our lives. The first is the romanticized version of love… the idealistic love… the immature love based in fantasy, that high school love. The second love is the one that’s hard…. the one we come back to time and time again…. it’s not healthy, it’s not equal, and it’s a rollercoaster… and it typically ends badly, with lots of hurt. I’ve considered myself fortunate to have had both of these loves (and while I didn’t consider myself lucky back then, in retrospect it was a wonderful learning and growth experience)…..

And while I believe I was fortunate to have the first two, I’m even more blessed to have had my third…. the one that breaks all your stereotypes about what love is supposed to be like… the one that catches you off guard…. unexpected….. where the puzzle pieces fit…. where vulnerability is welcomed… and who you are, just as you are, is perfect. And, of course, like every relationship, it’s far from perfect, but the beauty lies in the fact that that’s okay. 

I was recently asked to share what I felt love meant to me…. I thought for a while, and this was what I came up with:

“Before little miss arrived, TJ and I thought long and hard about how we wanted our marriage to look…. and while having a baby changes a lot, the root of what love is to me hasn’t. For me, it’s always been about having fun in the simple moments with your best friend…. and while the way we have fun together has changed over the last year (those long getaways and weekly date nights out aren’t always possible), we continually put forth the effort to create tiny and meaningful moments, where we laugh together, connect with one another over music and conversation, and just be silly. To me, love is about laughter, effort, and vulnerability to be yourself in both the good and bad.”

Nothing profound… pretty simple…. kind of how I think love should be…. grand gestures are not necessary…. because, for me, it’s usually in the moments one would never consider demonstrative where I find myself feeling the most connected…..

So, today, TJ and I decided to share our favorite ways/moments to show love to one another, in case you’re looking for a little inspiration too:

1. Together we commit to Friday evenings. After a long week, we find it’s the best way to unwind and connect. We decide on a take-out spot, have a little bit of wine, and listen to some music. Phones go away, television is off.

2. Since it’s not as easy to get out for a weekend away, we sometimes like to get creative with at home date nights…. s’mores by a fire pit (kind of reminds us of our Deer Valley trip….. without the snow)…. themed dinner nights where we cook the meal together…. creating our own wine tasting by picking up a few bottles in our favorite varietals and doing blind taste tests….

3. Mini date nights mid-week…. they don’t always happen, but we try. They are usually more likely to happen if on Sunday evening we pick a night and commit to it… this often involves popcorn + a good movie… or maybe it means watching a marathon of our favorite television show… but it means the phones and computers are away.

4. We read the 5 Love Languages before we got married, so we try to show love to the other person based on their preferred way… it really makes such a difference.

5. In little, everyday ways…. those ways that aren’t over the top, but because we care about each other… cutting a run short because the other person has somewhere to be and someone needs to watch Harper, letting the other person sleep in a little longer after Harper wakes up on the weekend, listening to the other person when they’ve had a particularly stressful day, picking up the other person’s favorite post-dinner dessert…. those moments that often go overlooked, are usually the most profound and connecting.

I know that this list will probably change over the years, as our love grows and evolves, but, if at the core we remain true to what we feel love is, then I think we will be ok!
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{Post Details || Mauve Cardigan | Grey Fleece Pullover | TJ’s Pullover (color sold out) | Moroccan Blanket (similar) | Faux Fur Throw}