I have found this whole pregnancy journey to be quite amazing. The different emotions I have experienced, the bodily changes I am going through, and the personal changes within myself have all been an experience to say the least. Since the first stages of pregnancy to now, I have always wanted to be open and honest about my experience, in hopes of helping other women know that it’s okay to have have a range of different emotions throughout (the first and second). So, today I continue with sharing the journey 21 weeks into pregnancy :).
General Feelings & Thoughts: Having moved well into the second trimester, and being a little over halfway done, I have come to the realization that yes, this pregnancy is real. Yes, I have a growing baby inside of me. Maybe it was when the bump sprouted, maybe it was when I felt those first flutters, either way, it feels very real for me. As I’ve mentioned before, I have many friends, and a mother, who have gone before me into the parenting world, so I’ve been able to pick the brains of some trusted individuals. What I have found is that no one gives me the same answer. Be it a question on the delivery, breast feeding, travel, or sleeping, everyone has their own opinion and the way that they did things. That being said, I have a general overall feeling of acceptance that TJ and I will work it all out our way. My entire life I have been a plan maker… I have had a plan for post high school, college, and graduate school. I tried to have a plan for when we would have a child, move, and yada, yada, yada. People! That is stressful. For the first time in my life, I am actually okay with not having a plan. I don’t know how long I will breast feed, I don’t know what type of delivery I will have (I do know that it will be with an epidural though :)), I have no clue what type of temperament our little angel will have… and for some reason that doesn’t bother me. I am not coming from a place of ignorance (as I have done research) or neglect, I simply have no idea what will be best for our baby, and our family, when those decisions need to be made. I have found that this honesty and transparency has helped TJ and me to come to the realization that this is going to be a journey. One in which we stumble… and sometimes probably feel pretty darn clueless. Yet, knowing he’s by my side every step of the way allows me to have that freedom of “letting go and letting God.”
Fears: So…. while I don’t have a set in stone birth plan, I am actually terrified of giving birth. I have a very low pain tolerance (hence the reason I do know an epidural will be necessary) and the thought of a watermelon coming out of a peanut (excuse the graphic nature here… but it’s the reality, right??) makes me want to pass out. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little here, but while I am open to how the birth goes, natural or a cesarian, the actual birth is a little scary. I’ve also talked a lot about fears on how having a child will impact our abilities to travel. Well, this past weekend we took the plunge and booked a trip to Hawaii in May. Am I a little afraid? Yes. Will I be okay? Yes. Will we ultimately have a great time? How could we not, it’s Hawaii. I guess I’m figuring that I can sit here and be afraid of what might happen, and the reality is, none of that might happen, or all of it might happen. We won’t know until we go… so we’re plunging in head first (and maybe with a little help from family :)).
Eats: Things are kind of status quo in this arena. Which feels really good. I am able to eat the foods that I feel give me and bebe the best nourishment possible, while still enjoying a few little indulgences here and there. I am absolutely obsessed with pressed juicery’s vanilla cold pressed toped with cacao nibs and strawberries… it seriously tastes like cookie dough. I enjoy a little square of chocolate every night after dinner. Wild cravings seemed to have skipped over me. I have found that I get full very easily. Not sure if it’s the small torso I have to work with (since I’m only 5’1), so I’ve taken to eating smaller meals, more frequently throughout the day. If I’m being completely honest though… I miss wine and sushi (I’m talking the full on raw kind here) and certainly look forward to the day when they make it back into the rotation.
Exercise: Someone told me that weeks 18-22 were their best weeks for working out… that they had a burst of energy. So, I was hoping the same would be true for me. Luckily it was. I have enjoyed a few four mile runs here and there, have continued with the Tracy Anderson Pregnancy Project, and still love my power yoga (with modifications of course). I have enjoyed coming up with new circuit workouts, and have placed an emphasis on light strength training to keep my muscles active and alert!
Body: In the past few weeks I have had a few frustrating moments where I wished that I could wear my jeans, sans bellaband, and rock the front tuck (my absolute favorite go to). I had a small pitty party for myself and then decided to do something about it. I purchased these jeans, one size bigger, and voila! I was able to wear my beloved front tuck again. I’m learning to be creative and to enjoy this time. I actually told TJ yesterday that the bump feels like apart of me and I imagine it will be strange when it isn’t there anymore. Body con dresses are easy to wear and to be honest, not buttoning your jeans is pretty fabulous. I am still amazed at the female body and the changes it goes through to accommodate a growing baby. I am sure my amazement will continue over the next 20 weeks.
Things I’ve Become More Aware Of: I think this has been, for me, one of the biggest parts of pregnancy. I feel as though my own personal self awareness is critical to a healthy pregnancy, as well as raising a healthy child. I have found honesty and transparency to be critical. Sometimes I catch myself in the car muttering something under my breath to a driver and realize that soon, there is going to be a little sponge sitting in the back seat. I’ve become aware of how I mange my anxieties, frustrations, and sadness. TJ and I have explored areas where we as a couple could improve (because there is always room for growth). I find that I have little tolerance for drama, or petty problems, as these are not issues that I want to surround our daughter with. Maybe I’m starting to think like a protective parent already??
What Excites Me Most: While I simply can’t wait to meet our little Harper (oh yes, we’ve picked a name :)) and see what her mannerisms and traits are, I am ecstatic to see the type of father TJ will be. His abundance of excitement is infectious, which is so calming and contagious for me. Every time I can feel her move, he wants to feel her too. When my parents gave us our stroller, he immediately wanted to put it together and push it around. We have started reading to her, in utero, and TJ, wanting to be the best father he can be, has started doing his own research with this book. Together we have compiled a list of the type of parents we want to be so that we can hold one another accountable in a moment of weakness (you know, when those big eyes look up at you, begging you to cave…). I thank God everyday that he will be the father to our daughter, and that this is the man I get to do the parenthood journey with.
For me: I’ve made a few clothing purchases lately, a lot having to do with accessories to spruce up some basics I have been wearing. Loving these olive pants, these leopard lace up flats, this stripe v-neck, perfect for fall slip dress, and this panama hat.